Ever since we moved into our house, our guest bathroom has had dark green wallpaper with pink roses on it. Suffice it to say - this is not our style. However, due to lots of procrastinating, some knowledge of the work involved w/ stripping wallpaper, and my sheer inability to dig deep & muster the motivation, the wallpaper has stayed put for nearly 4 years.
A while back the kids discovered a little tear in the paper and simply could not help themselves from ripping off tiny pieces and exposing more and more of the wall. Ok, truth be told, I may have actually started this...perhaps a deep, evolutionary connection to picking at things, like my distant relatives, the chimpanzees, picking for bugs in each others fur!
Last summer I decided to invited everyone who used the bathroom (family and guests alike) to feel free to peel away a strip of wallpaper. My thinking was: a) I would be motivated (irritated) by the slowly appearing wall to actually "take the plunge," and b) It may actually make my job easier if everyone just did it for me.
It didn't make my job any easier. It just pissed me off. It was an unfinished, half-assed, ugly, annoying part of my house - and I saw it EVERY DAY! So did my husband and kids... but it really didn't bug them.
Now, I am a BIG believer in your living space (home, physical environment, etc.) being a very accurate representation or metaphor for your life. So, for a few years, I have been wondering what the "rosy" Guest Bathroom says about my life.
Finally, I think I have discovered what part of my life my guest bathroom represents: (pardon the "potty" humor, but it kind of seems appropriate here) - My avoidance of STINKY, SHITTY things!
For a while I was able to avoid dealing with it and even find some acceptance with the dark, flowered meadow, that was my guest bathroom.
But, after a while... I knew the wallpaper just had to go. Slowly, at first. Then, I decided to bring others on board - thinking they could somehow make things happen where I could not. Here is the truth about wallpaper; it takes time to remove it, it takes motivation, it benefits from a little help, but it really is a one woman job (especially in a small bathroom).
Three weeks ago I started the REAL work. You would think that once I started I would want to get it done quickly. Nope, not me. I have chosen instead to draw this out as long as possible! I stripped the easy places first and left the residual paper and glue clinging to the walls. Then I removed the hardware. The I took off some more wallpaper. Then I "let" my brother, visiting from Hawaii, help me (I am pretty sure he was thinking it would take me a year if he didn't step in and assist). Turns out, stripping the paper is quite a process, especially when you have gouged the dry wall and the floorboards are GLUED on!
I am STILL not done - not even ready to paint yet, but I am happy to report that the wallpaper is gone! I think part of me is enjoying the process of CHANGE and TRANSFORMATION. When you think about something for as long as I have thought about the wallpaper in the bathroom you want to let it all unfold slowly, right?
And this SLOW unfolding - or "peeling" has taught me something. Sometimes we avoid things because we think they will be really SHITTY, but we end up not really minding them so much - infact, sometimes they make us feel capable, motivated, and even empowered! And sometimes, it is totally ok to avoid them until you are just ready. In fact, when you are ready to tackle the "stinky" thing you have been avoiding, maybe it won't feel so much like a tackle as it will a gentle roll in a meadow. And maybe, that meadow will be dark green and dotted with pink roses.
So, what is your "wallpaper"? What have you been avoiding that you may just be ready to move on?
The truth about wallpaper is sometimes it is OK to leave it on for a while and sometimes it reaches a point where it just HAS to go!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Fierce, Fabulous & Forty!?
It's true, I am forty. As the saying goes(thanks Byron Katie), "you can argue with the truth, but the truth always wins." Forty is not really worthy of arguing over. Age, at least at this moment, doesn't really faze me. I think I am feeling pretty zen about forty. It's an even number, divisible by 8 (always good!) and, as my sweet & saucy son pointed out, it sounds younger than 39! So, whatever, I am forty. I can fully accept and own the "40" part of "Fierce, Fabulous & Forty!"
But as I look at the pink, black & white (super cute) Mylar balloon that declares "Fierce, Fabulous & Forty," I find myself struggling with the other adjectives. I really do. Do these words, in any way, describe me? Fierce, in its new (post Project Runway) definition makes me think of someone bold, confident, fashion forward & hot. Me? Let's just say I rock a mean pair of Lee jeans & KEEN sneakers. Now, I have some aspirations towards "fierceness," but the extra, extra weight I've been carrying for 5+ years provides a "fierce" barrier. That's my story anyway. Is it true?
Now, if we are talking the classic fierce definition I can see it a bit more. Fierce = tough, a little bitchy, a little scary, a LOT scary, an occasional f&*@$ing nut job. With this definition I can begin to own my "fierceness." And in case I need references to back me up, I believe my kids would speak to this. Albeit, very quietly and only if they new I wasn't listening. They would for sure tell you that I can be FIERCE after listening to, say, the "Great Crayon War of 2011" for the eleventh time! And I am telling you, if I have to hear about Max's lost pocket knife one more time I will become so fierce that my zen forty feeling will fade away!
Is it true? Am I fierce? Yes, I am fierce, I'm just not sure I'm the kind of fierce you want emblazoned on a balloon. You can argue with the truth...
Next time...FABULOUS. Really?
But as I look at the pink, black & white (super cute) Mylar balloon that declares "Fierce, Fabulous & Forty," I find myself struggling with the other adjectives. I really do. Do these words, in any way, describe me? Fierce, in its new (post Project Runway) definition makes me think of someone bold, confident, fashion forward & hot. Me? Let's just say I rock a mean pair of Lee jeans & KEEN sneakers. Now, I have some aspirations towards "fierceness," but the extra, extra weight I've been carrying for 5+ years provides a "fierce" barrier. That's my story anyway. Is it true?
Now, if we are talking the classic fierce definition I can see it a bit more. Fierce = tough, a little bitchy, a little scary, a LOT scary, an occasional f&*@$ing nut job. With this definition I can begin to own my "fierceness." And in case I need references to back me up, I believe my kids would speak to this. Albeit, very quietly and only if they new I wasn't listening. They would for sure tell you that I can be FIERCE after listening to, say, the "Great Crayon War of 2011" for the eleventh time! And I am telling you, if I have to hear about Max's lost pocket knife one more time I will become so fierce that my zen forty feeling will fade away!
Is it true? Am I fierce? Yes, I am fierce, I'm just not sure I'm the kind of fierce you want emblazoned on a balloon. You can argue with the truth...
Next time...FABULOUS. Really?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Mario Karts and Mediocre Parenting
Last night my sweet 9 year old son had a minor fit because he lost at Wii Mario Karts to his DAD! Oh the sadness, the injustice of it all. While his father revelled in his win, Max promptly threw the controller and stormed to his room - with a door slam, as the cherry on top of his pissed off sundae!
My immediate response was to remind my husband that Max had probably spent too much time on the Wii that evening and that we needed to set better guidelines on his "game time." To which my, ever -so -calm, husband replied (along with a few other remarks), "his reaction is his responsibility not mine."
It is really true isn't it? As parents, we walk a fine line between setting boundaries that enable our kids to make good decisions, and creating the space for our kids to make decisions on their own, sometimes bad decisions.
What is more important? The boundaries or the space? I would still argue that both are important, but that space is really crucial to helping kids learn how to screw up. Let's face it, we aren't ever going to teach our kids NOT TO SCREW UP - the hope is that we will teach them how to screw up and then deal with the consequences in an effective (and responsible) way.
My insistence that it was OUR fault, as parents, for not setting boundaries was both unfair to us and unfair to our son. Later when we went in to talk to him about his reaction this became all too clear. He had obviously heard some of our earlier conversation (through the slammed door, no doubt!) about setting better boundaries, because he said "It is dad's fault for letting me play so long." NICE. With one sentence I had both implicated my husband and exonerated my son.
The result was an irritated spouse and a gloating child. Not a pretty combination.
I did my best to repair the damage by letting Max know that is was IN NO WAY DAD'S FAULT that he chose to have a tantrum over losing. I repeated it multiple times. Maybe he heard me, maybe not. You can bet that the next time he has a fit he will pull out the "it's your fault..." card. We will deal with it. You know how? By creating some boundaries, yes, but more importantly, by continuing to give him LOTS of SPACE to screw up. Again and again. Over and over. Right here, in his house. Over Wii, over dinner, over homework. And each time we will remind him of his responsibility in it. We will remind him his reaction is his choice. We will do it here, where he is safe and can screw up and learn how to deal with it, so that when he screws up in a not-so-friendly environment he has some skills on how to do it. He will have experience on how to take responsibility and how to respond appropriately. Then, hopefully when his college professor gives him a C- on a paper he will see his role in the C-, rather than blaming the incompetent instructor.
So give 'em boundaries, but also give them lots of SPACE to @#$% Up!
I am eternally grateful for all the SPACE I have to screw up as a parent...
"Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to resolve..."
Roger Lewin (U.S. Anthropologist 1918-)
xoHannah
My immediate response was to remind my husband that Max had probably spent too much time on the Wii that evening and that we needed to set better guidelines on his "game time." To which my, ever -so -calm, husband replied (along with a few other remarks), "his reaction is his responsibility not mine."
It is really true isn't it? As parents, we walk a fine line between setting boundaries that enable our kids to make good decisions, and creating the space for our kids to make decisions on their own, sometimes bad decisions.
What is more important? The boundaries or the space? I would still argue that both are important, but that space is really crucial to helping kids learn how to screw up. Let's face it, we aren't ever going to teach our kids NOT TO SCREW UP - the hope is that we will teach them how to screw up and then deal with the consequences in an effective (and responsible) way.
My insistence that it was OUR fault, as parents, for not setting boundaries was both unfair to us and unfair to our son. Later when we went in to talk to him about his reaction this became all too clear. He had obviously heard some of our earlier conversation (through the slammed door, no doubt!) about setting better boundaries, because he said "It is dad's fault for letting me play so long." NICE. With one sentence I had both implicated my husband and exonerated my son.
The result was an irritated spouse and a gloating child. Not a pretty combination.
I did my best to repair the damage by letting Max know that is was IN NO WAY DAD'S FAULT that he chose to have a tantrum over losing. I repeated it multiple times. Maybe he heard me, maybe not. You can bet that the next time he has a fit he will pull out the "it's your fault..." card. We will deal with it. You know how? By creating some boundaries, yes, but more importantly, by continuing to give him LOTS of SPACE to screw up. Again and again. Over and over. Right here, in his house. Over Wii, over dinner, over homework. And each time we will remind him of his responsibility in it. We will remind him his reaction is his choice. We will do it here, where he is safe and can screw up and learn how to deal with it, so that when he screws up in a not-so-friendly environment he has some skills on how to do it. He will have experience on how to take responsibility and how to respond appropriately. Then, hopefully when his college professor gives him a C- on a paper he will see his role in the C-, rather than blaming the incompetent instructor.
So give 'em boundaries, but also give them lots of SPACE to @#$% Up!
I am eternally grateful for all the SPACE I have to screw up as a parent...
"Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to resolve..."
Roger Lewin (U.S. Anthropologist 1918-)
xoHannah
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